What is resentment and how to deal with it?
What does resentment do to us? What is resentment? What is its mechanism? Why are some people more offensive and others less? Why is it easier to offend some people and harder to offend others? How can we cope with it? My world of understanding resentment.
Resentment is a way of getting in touch with your bad character traits using another person as a buffer zone. The state of resentment occurs when we feel injustice, or what we perceive to be injustice, towards our decisions and ourselves in general. But unlike anger, which can serve as a source of motivation and activity, the energy here does not go outward, but inward.
What does resentment do to us?
Resentment is one of the most negative and dangerous feelings that can arise in a person’s life. It can torment the soul and poison a person’s consciousness (and even their body) from the inside. Demands for apologies and concessions, bad moods, endless accusations, pain, self-pity, anger, rage, etc. Resentment spoils a person’s life to the point of psychosomatic illness.
What is resentment? What is its mechanism?
Resentment is a mixture of inward and outward aggression. The most painful component of any resentment, when it hits home, is when you realise that the offender is right. And the stronger this component is, the stronger the insult is. Roughly speaking, it is not us who are offended, it is ourselves who are offended. We offend ourselves by unconsciously agreeing with some conditionally unkind act (or judgement) in our address.
The less the component of inward aggression in an insult, the less it is an insult, and the more it is aggression, an explicit and suppressed desire to “give back”.
Why are some people more offensive and others less? What is the reason for this?
Everyone is offensive. It’s just that everyone has their own sensitive points, their own “themes”. You can offend by hitting a person in the place where the greatest number of “nerve endings” are concentrated, so to speak. In the “topic” in which he or she has the maximum amount of confusion, incomprehension and questions about himself or herself. As the saying goes, the words “son of a bitch” can only offend someone who is insecure about their mother.
Why it is easier to offend some people and harder to offend others
This is true, but only partially. On the one hand, the more “problematic” a person is, the easier it is to offend them, because there is a greater chance of hitting a sensitive spot: there are simply too many of them. On the other hand, those who seem harmless to us may not be so at all.
It’s just that the “more” offensive ones have learnt one style or mode of behaviour (whether it is related to their parental family, lifestyle, later experience, occupation – it doesn’t matter), and the “less” offensive ones have learnt another. And the big question is who is actually less offensive – the one who easily expresses his feelings, or the one who is afraid of “losing face”, does not show them and collects them. In the latter case, it is precisely the resentment that can stay with a person for a long time – because they do not even admit to themselves how they feel
How to cope with it?
The easiest and most effective way to get rid of the resentment, if not completely, then at least to weaken it, is to express your feelings. At the very least, admit to yourself: “Yes, I’m offended” and try to figure out what hurt you so much.
Why is it easier for some people to admit when they are wrong than for others?
It is exactly the same with admitting that you are wrong. It would be wrong to say that some people find it easier to admit when they are wrong, while others find it harder. It is difficult for everyone to admit that they are wrong when it comes to such a sensitive topic.
The more painful the topic is for the person, the more difficult it is for them to behave appropriately in it. And if you realise that you have been careless, rude or wrong – outside of your topic or outside of the person associated with this topic – it is easy to be polite and well-mannered, easy to apologise. Because such an action is not associated for us with some difficult inner step, almost a feat.
My world (The world of understanding resentment)
I really want, at least sometimes, for people to understand you without any extra words, to just understand and not ask anything. Just look into your eyes and understand. After all, it is not a mistake that “the eyes are the mirror of the soul”. You want someone to understand your soul so much!!! I dream about it and catch myself thinking, do I really need it? No, well, a little understanding will not hurt anyone, that’s for sure. I’ve checked it out on my own experience. But absolute understanding is too much. It’s like if there was always day or night, or rain or snow, or whatever everyone likes in this life. It could turn into a nightmare. Because always being good is not quite good enough! But there is a way out. What is it?
We need to come up with a way to make this “absolute understanding” not permanent, but temporary, that is, it would only appear when we want it. Then it would be very wonderful and easy to live.
Why? Well, at least because there can be no complete understanding because we often do not understand ourselves. Yes, we do not understand our desires, thoughts, actions. Admit it, it’s true. Is it stupid, you might say? Not at all. It is very interesting to observe yourself, your thoughts in your head, in your soul, in your heart.
They are so changeable and unique that they slip away and dissolve like the morning fog over a river, and you need to have time to remember them in order to reflect on them and give them to the world, the Universe, all people, and especially to your dearest and most beloved ones.
Because some of our thoughts are very bright and kind, they can help us to become happier and a little more open to happiness and love for all those we love!!!
In general, we are strange creatures, humans. Mysterious and strange. But very interesting. I never cease to be amazed at how similar we all are. It’s strange: I read books, articles, stories and see that the authors reflect me and my thoughts. Perhaps I’m not ready to tell them to the whole world yet, but I’ll come to that point too.
I have a lot to tell and share. The only thing that prevents me is the fear of being misunderstood and condemned. Fear of not living up to expectations. No, not someone else’s hope, but my own. I understand this now, that we live only for ourselves and those close to us.
Outsiders should not and cannot offend us unless we want to, unless we allow them to. And if we allow it, it means that we are not yet strong enough to fight the world of contradictions, it means that we are not yet ready to realise ourselves as a PERSON, as something special that deserves love, happiness and all the best.
It also happens that our closest people do not understand us. Then we feel unloved, unappreciated, complex, etc. This is a misconception, but many people do not have the courage to admit to themselves that we are who we are, how God created us, and for this reason alone we have the right to our own opinion.
Be brave and you will succeed!!! It simply cannot be otherwise. After all, each of us has the most valuable thing – our inner world. This whole universe is without end and without limit. Everything in it is according to our own laws. This is our strength and our essence. It is only our inner world that no one can take away from us. We decide for ourselves which part of ourselves to give to our loved ones, which part to change, remake, decorate. We create our own world and our own life!
Many things can happen in life: circumstances change, people around us change. Yes, many things change in life. After all, life is a river that has its own flow and direction. We are also changing, our soul and inner world are changing. But one thing is important – no matter what happens, we remain ourselves as long as we want to.
Our heart and soul live the life we choose for ourselves. And let only those people appear in our lives to whom we want to reveal our soul, help us understand our heart and see our own beautiful world – the world of our soul! Let these be the people we let into our world, and whose world is also important and interesting to us.
There is only one unresolved question in my mind: are we ready to understand the other person ourselves? Can we say that with confidence? Can we take on this responsibility, the responsibility for our desire to unravel the other person without causing them pain and disappointment?
If it is sometimes so difficult to understand ourselves, how much more difficult is it to understand others! And to be honest, we are not always able to understand everyone and, most importantly, we do not want to! Why?
Why can’t we? It’s very simple. The fact is that we measure everything in our lives by ourselves, by our feelings and perceptions of the world, of people, of things in general. This sometimes gives us a narrow view, not a complete picture. We simply want to find and look for our own reflection in everything we touch and encounter in life. It’s easier, more convenient and easier for us. Everything seems clear and simple.
And if we encounter difficulties, we sometimes do not seek to solve them and understand why things are the way they are, but simply avoid solving the problem, turning a blind eye to it. Do we forget that we cannot understand everything by measuring ourselves? Many things in life require a deeper look, a sideways glance, detached, at least sometimes, from ourselves!!!
Why don’t we sometimes want to understand others? I think that most of us are just too focused on ourselves, our wants and needs. So sometimes we simply forget the most important thing: if you want to get a lot out of life, you have to learn to give a lot! This is the law. It cannot and will not work otherwise. The fact is that everything in the world is based on the law of justice.
And if we want understanding and warmth from people, we must learn to understand others and be able to give them our warmth, learn to give and not expect anything in return.
It is our unselfish and kind attitude towards the world that will make us happier and give us what we expect, dream of and deserve! Remember the well-known commandment: treat people the way you want them to treat you!
And I would add: treat the world the way you want it to treat you. And then the world will respond to you in kind. And love, warmth, understanding and happiness will appear in your life! After all, each of us dreams of this. And dreams are known to come true!
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